Growing Versions

I did not used to have this problem, but slowly and surely over the past ten year (post kids), I have had a hard time sleeping. My son, who has been a notoriously bad sleeper since day one, says he "just doesn't want to say good bye to the day". I think this is my problem too. I stay awake when others sleep to visit with myself.  Sometimes, I over stay my welcome and now I am trying to learn how to make a graceful exit from today so I can be better overall tomorrow. Tomorrow, the day that I will have trouble saying good bye to after today.

It's the same question every Friday afternoon. "What am I doing this morning?( tomorrow morning) "You have a free morning.  We don't go anywhere.  We'll all stay together here." "Yeah!" "You can sleep in." "What is sleeping in?" "You know how we have to get up early usually so we are not late for preschool? Well on Saturdays there is no time to get up. You can stay in bed as long as you like." "Oh.  Okay, I am going to sleep in." I really wish I had explained the meaning of sleeping in before this.

Mornings are like payday for me. I wake up flush with unspent moments. I'm optimistic and ready to spend my time on just about anything. I'm generous with my time and excruciatingly patient with even the most trying situation or personality.  The jangle of hours clink happily together as I begin my day.   Not much is too expensive, time wise, in the morning for me. This, despite my warped sleeping profile, conditioned by years of interrupted sleep, of a crouching ninja. By noon, I'm still feeling rich with promise and energy to burn, but by 1, I start to draw on my savings.  The post lunch dive forces me to withdraw a little more than I mean to and I start being a little more miserly with my inner resources. As suppertime and early evening hits, I am seriously overdrawn and counting the minutes until I can start getting paid again.  By nightfall, all my loans get called in and I'm digging for coins in every nook and cranny and frantically checking ev...