I am not known for being direct. I'm known for being so circuitously indirect it pains even my closest friends. In fact, I have taken great care throughout my life to take the indirect route. Rather than telling someone my opinion outright or deal with conflict head on, I've practically devised an art-form in feeling my audience out and saying, maybe not what is only expected of me, but saying it in the most palatable way possible. It's down to culture, partly, and gender roles and family dynamics.
However, all this changed when I had a child in my life. It did not change completely, but substantially. Almost right away and especially when I returned back to work, I noticed that I no longer skipped around the bush quite so automatically. I suddenly did not have time for that any more. I literally had a fixed set of minutes within which everything had to begin and end. There was no more time to pull taffy answers out of myself and others, I needed to get to the point. Luckily for me, the whole experience of parenting changed me just enough that I did not have to agonise much over my new responses. They just popped out of mouth before I could catch them, which, in itself, was the first sign that things had changed. At first I was startled, but then a new wave of confidence in me has gradually begun to bud and flourish. I've got a long way to go. I'll always be on a bit of a merry-go-round in conflict situations but I've come a long way, that's for sure. How about you?
pre-children speak
Well, that's an interesting idea. Why don't we have coffee and talk about the possibilities...
You could do that...
Not a problem, my schedule can easily be moved around.
Saturday morning at 9 a.m.? Sure!
Wednesday and Thursday evening workshops, in the same week? That would be perfect.
I'm not really sure I can do that. We'll see.
post-children speak
If you want to do that, that's great, go for it.
If I were going to do that I would reduce the number of goals by half.
I need to know now when you can come, so, the 2nd or 3rd, pick one.
Saturdays are not possible.
I do one workshop a month.
I can't do that. Sorry.(wow, did I just say that out loud?)
However, all this changed when I had a child in my life. It did not change completely, but substantially. Almost right away and especially when I returned back to work, I noticed that I no longer skipped around the bush quite so automatically. I suddenly did not have time for that any more. I literally had a fixed set of minutes within which everything had to begin and end. There was no more time to pull taffy answers out of myself and others, I needed to get to the point. Luckily for me, the whole experience of parenting changed me just enough that I did not have to agonise much over my new responses. They just popped out of mouth before I could catch them, which, in itself, was the first sign that things had changed. At first I was startled, but then a new wave of confidence in me has gradually begun to bud and flourish. I've got a long way to go. I'll always be on a bit of a merry-go-round in conflict situations but I've come a long way, that's for sure. How about you?
pre-children speak
Well, that's an interesting idea. Why don't we have coffee and talk about the possibilities...
You could do that...
Not a problem, my schedule can easily be moved around.
Saturday morning at 9 a.m.? Sure!
Wednesday and Thursday evening workshops, in the same week? That would be perfect.
I'm not really sure I can do that. We'll see.
post-children speak
If you want to do that, that's great, go for it.
If I were going to do that I would reduce the number of goals by half.
I need to know now when you can come, so, the 2nd or 3rd, pick one.
Saturdays are not possible.
I do one workshop a month.
I can't do that. Sorry.(wow, did I just say that out loud?)
good for you. sometimes it is difficult to accept that it is ok to say no.
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