Update: the library opened. It is gorgeous as expected, but also hushing and so powerful it turned me inside out upon impact. Turns out all the words got used up reacting to it the first time I entered it. I walked through it the other day on my own and ended up feeling small and stranded a bit. I felt like I have when I have visited other countries. At first enchanted and then later, excited and now a bit daunted about all the parts of it I don't understand yet or know how to be in comfortably. Looking forward to my next quiet visit when I can get turned inside out by it once again. It unzipped a big seam in the sky and the ground into which I stepped and have yet to emerge.
Despite being an introvert, I do often process big life events (and many many small ones) out loud by verbally hashing out my thoughts with whoever will put up with me. But this morning when I woke up to the big red blotch on the U.S. map...all my /the words fell out. They fell out unsaid, unformed. Got to work and probably , in another time, would have annoyed my co-workers, dominating the conversation with my verbal extrusions, but not today. I just mutely stared across at them and nodded. My dad came for lunch. Normally, we relish a good political diatribe, especially when we feel sure of our perspective, but this time, all I could do was munch on fries and marvel at all the unarticulated thoughts that I was not even bothering to retrieve. The silence inside me was noticeable. Social media was awash with reactions and I just looked away. I couldn't bear to read one word about it. I was not receptive to any reactions, accusations, reflections, words...

Comments
Post a Comment