Growing Versions

I was in need of redemption. I felt on the wrong side of things. Weepy and weak, unbalanced. I was just about to bury the feelings with take-out coffee when I decided that I would go to the library instead. It was the first of the day, usually caffeine is all the spiritual balm I require. But today was different, it was just one more day, on top of so many days .... I browsed. I picked out books about crime in Northern countries. It was not church, but it felt closer than I have felt in a long time.

There is a tiny door in my mind now, behind which there are things I do not wish to even deign to imagine. I prefer to keep it firmly shut. I turn towards the light instead.  I cannot see clearly looking into such dazzling light but I am going to trust that walking forward into it will not be a bad move. However, what is the substance of this blinding good light?  How do I add to it and not dim it? What creates peace in this world?  Is losing my temper with my kids while I'm trying to do any other thing (especially unrealistic-in-the-first-place things) disrupting peace really or just a natural part of this journey?  Sarcasm? Rolling my eyes?  Is keeping anger to myself violent? I know these actions and copious examples of inaction can diminish peace in a thousand splintering ways but where is the line between that and violence, between violence and no violence being committed?  I already know the answer but I don't always act like I know. ...

This morning we were greeted by frosty grass and crunchy, icy leaves. The Christmas parade put us all in a hot chocolate frame of mind. The icy frost has properties that crumbly leaves and sugary sand do not. I am coming around a bend, my thoughts crystalizing, as the water solidifies while we sleep.

It became a joke between us.  On a regular basis, when we were commuting up to 2.5 hours a day, I would exclaim: "Wow, look at that, they tore that old barn down." or "Look at that huge new development. That really came out of nowhere!" My husband would jokingly respond, "Yes, dear.  They tore down that barn 1 year ago at least." or "Yes, they've been building that strip mall for 6 months." My observation skills when I was commuting were exceptionally dull.  Months and years would go by of me driving day in and day out and I would not see major (never mind minor) changes in our neighbourhood and community. Finally, after 7 years, we were lucky enough to be able to make the decision to move to the city so we wouldn't have to commute.  Right away, I noticed a difference.  Even though we still used the car a fair amount, at least at first, we are able to walk most places.  It was like I got new glasses.  My observation skills sharpe...

Friday the 21st was the International Day of Peace.  To honour peace day, the kids made a special craft with their grandfather at Messy Church.  They decorated Peace Necklaces.  They all are adorned with the classic peace symbol, some have more layers on top of the symbol than others.