Growing Versions

I have had a bad relationship with math. As a grade 2 student, I remember not really understanding what the teacher was getting at when she placed a handful of cubes on my desk and asked me to take some away. Things became more fraught in grade 4 when I was one of 2 kids who was disqualified from a class taco party for not knowing all my times tables (we were eventually brought back into the fold). I developed math anxiety which made things worse. I excelled in other areas that involved language and I came to accept that I was just not a math person. As a parent, I was determined not to pass on my anxiety about math to my daughter.  By then I was also running a business that involved daily math and I discovered things I actually liked about math. I embraced math, outwardly at least, as much as possible. One day this week, my daughter wanted me to help her with her math homework. I took on the task with gusto, not betraying my underlying self-doubt. I stared for a ve...

 I am really fortunate that I have so many lovely and supportive friends and family members. I know not everyone is so lucky as I am. Despite being spoiled with riches, ever since I was a little kid, I have had a really hard time being a friend or a family member that can ask for help. Even with my parents as a young kid, I would will myself not to cry, not to show upset or dismay. I know this frustrates my loved ones.  They don't like to see me stressed. Sometimes, when I am not quite ready for "talk therapy", I walk out my frustrations.  It lowers my blood pressure and helps me get rid of all the excess information that is flooding my system, hitching a ride on the gushes of adrenaline. Once the adrenaline is down to a trickle, I find myself in a better position to ask for and accept help.