Growing Versions

For many years now, I've had some form of the following dream: Swimming in the ocean or a pool and suddenly aware that right alongside me is a whale. These dreams make whale watching kind of terrifying for me. I feel so outsized by these animals in my dreams and of course, I assume it is because I don't like to be close to big overwhelming feelings. I like them at a distance where I can keep them nice and tame. However, now I have come to attempt to embrace the whale as my companion and the other day I was given a little nudge.  The whale for me is a symbol of all the big feelings that I need to just accept so that I can deal with them. The other morning it was foggy and I was drawn to the tall ships to take pictures.  The water was still and out of the corner of my eye, I saw a whale surface. I stopped what I was doing and watched it surface a few more times.Just under the surface, metres away, is my most feared animal.  Yet, I was filled with wonder and I coul...

When I first lived in Halifax, and having known it as a visitor all my life, it never really occurred to me (or us as its inhabitants, let alone tourists) to visit the waterfront. Even though it is a historical port city, the waterfront was neglected and hard-working but not really a source of leisure.  That all started to change within the past twenty years. Now, even though it still works hard receiving and transmitting goods, it has emerged as a destination for tourists and locals in and of itself. Before this development, I had a vantage point on my city and over time, those vantage points have changed. I used to know my city from inside a classroom, snowbanks and apartments and houses.  Now I know my city from the harbour's edge. I gaze towards George's Island or am dwarfed by huge vessels coming and going. Even when I am not there, I visualize the city from that vantage point.  The waterfront helps stabilize us, its a point of connection and helps us escape the...

I need much less than the less that I thought was a lot less than the less before. This less just keeps lessening as the years advance and is lesser than the less I thought was much less before. I thought collecting nick knacks and family objects was my identity, then I thought collecting was a fault of mine.  Now I believe it was a phase of learning that I have learned past. I am still a nostalgic girl and I have a hard time relinquishing the silliest things...but the more complicated my life gets, the less I want stuff in the way. Stuff is blocking the door. Douglas Coupland's thoughts on the minimalist movement

Some are more fun to eat than others...

“There is no such thing as work-life balance. Everything worth fighting for unbalances your life.”  ―  Alain de Botton I sleep in my truck, I work in my bed, the balance is balancing but throwing me off kilter all the same.

Childhood is the place where we grow from.  Just like anyone who has gone to school feels like they are an expert on teaching school, I think we probably all feel like we are experts on childhood to some extent. For some, raising kids is an opportunity to re-visit the fun aspects of a happy childhood, for others it is a way to make peace with a troubled one. Still others don't have the option or decide that they would prefer to not return. As I see my eldest teetering on the edge between childhood and adolescence, I feel like there will be so many versions of the children I know and understand.  The baby she was is gone.  The toddler and pre-schooler also have disappeared, but she keeps being replaced by a richer concentration of herself. I cannot miss the her I know right now or last year too much because I know she will reappear as someone I will love even more. I look back at my childhood and think, I disappeared only to re-appear year after year.  Who wi...

 It's safe to say that I have a thing about clotheslines.  They really inspire me. They do something so simple so effectively and the one I know the best, just keeps giving me inspiration.  

 I returned to my kids this weekend.  I did not go far, but I went far enough for long enough. Our meeting point was well-lit by the moon.

“I’m bored’ is a useless thing to say. I mean, you live in a great, big, vast world that you’ve seen none percent of. Even the inside of your own mind is endless; it goes on forever, inwardly, do you understand? The fact that you’re alive is amazing, so you don’t get to say ‘I’m bored.” -Louis C.K.