You just have to ask

My daughter sees and, so far, experiences, a world where women and men are equal. Her mother runs a business. Her doctor is a girl. When she was little she said, "you know mama, even boys can be doctors". Things are changing, but in my experience, and virtually every woman I know, there is one area that has not changed even a little bit, in our homes. She, miraculously, hasn't had to deal with the stress/threat of street harassment or subtle demotions due to gender. However, she has a mother who is still labouring under sexist expectations of her role in her own home, I've tried hard to shield her from it. But she will learn. I really wish she didn't have to. I kind of treasure this time before SHE KNOWS. I am protective of her naivety.

We have lacked the language to put our frustration into words. How can sexism in the home exist? It is 2019. It is not MY job to clean the toilet. it is our job. It must be my personal problem. A flaw in my upbringing, in my character, a lack of organisation. Why am I cleaning the toilet 100% of the time? That is probably because I love clean toilets more than he does. That is probably because of my OCD. That is probably because I have PMS and need an outlet. Stay out of mom's way, she is in one of her "toilet cleaning" moods.

"If you wanted help with the toilets, you should have just asked."

It is 2019. Cleaning the toilets is my job. Making sure they are cleaned by others is also mine.

My darling daughter, may you be free of having to ask. May you be free to choose openly and freely what needs to be done and how.

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