Thank you to a great preschool

Thanks for caring enough to listen openheartedly to me and what I have had to say about the world, about slides and books and balloons and pumpkins.

Thank you for the chestnut tree.

Thank you for helping me take care of myself and seeing myself as a little person with a point of view.

Thanks for supporting my efforts to take care of other people and animals and creatures.

Thanks for not automatically assuming I am straight and for not labelling me "all boy" or "a princess".

Thank you for being careful about what snacks you gave me.

Thank you for trusting that I would create interesting things with paint and glue and beautiful everyday objects.

Thank you for believing in me and not dismissing my attempts to communicate in all the different ways that I can.

Thank you for letting me wear pjs to school two times and for letting me bring my flashlight to school.

Thank you for the obstacle courses.

Thank you for agreeing with me that the world is full of amazing things.

Thanks for helping me see possibilities in even the smallest bead and seed and weed.

Thank you for letting me explore the world with my own questions and on my own terms.

Thank you for showing me that learning is going to be a part of my whole life.

Comments

I entered August without you.

I won't visit you this month. You won't call. I will raid your garden and you won't get any of the vegetables. I will make plans without telling you about them. We'll go to the store and not buy you one single thing. Whole books will be read and I will not tell you which ones. I will watch movies and not inform you. The nasturiums will ripen. Last month was different. I changed my schedule and took time off work to be with you. I dropped all kinds of plans for us to be together. You sent me messages, I received them. I picked up food that I thought you would like at the store and sent you pictures of every beautiful thing I saw. I sang with you. We watched the Great Canadian Baking Show. You chose the recipe for the garlic scape pesto and gave me instructions for making the gooseberry jam. I am in August without you. You are in July.

Fists full of lettuce

It is a pot of a variety of lettuce plants. It was planted by my mom. She has been living with Stage 4 bile duct cancer for at least 1.5 years (that we know of, probably a lot longer). Standing and gardening are becoming harder as time goes on. She learned about gardening from her dad as a kid and kept on gardening every year of her adult life. Sometimes the gardens were tiny or rudimentary, but with the help of my dad , they have become major and, at times elaborate, growing projects over the years. Now it is a collection of raised beds and regular beds that hold a host of plants, vegetable and flowers. Something that was clear that first spring with Stage 4 cancer is that gardening would continue in a big way, cancer or no cancer. It was important to order the seeds and start them inside and get them planted outside, no matter what. Spending time together in the summer with cancer now consistently involves gardening and following instructions. Plant...

Keep telling yourself that.

We talk to ourselves everyday, all day (and night) for the whole of our lives. We started talking to ourselves before we knew we were a self, we forget what we said because we forget everything from before...when we were too young and busy developing our brain to remember those early years. There is still lingering residue of long forgotten conversations I have had with myself as a toddler sitting around in the crevices...sloughing off occasionally into words I tell myself still. We talk non-stop, and not just with dialogue. Our goosebumps communicate to us, our tingly feelings, our neurons, our peripheal vision. They are all submitting data into our self and expecting us to react, respond or all to often, expecting what they are sending us will be ignored. After all that talking, you'd think we'd know what we think about most things, but occasionally we are stumped. Unless we stop what we are doing and really concentrate sometimes that voice(s) ...

Growing Versions

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