Saturday morning.

Saturday mornings I wake up so empty. I don't mean empty in a bad, nothing kind of way, I mean empty of all the plans and angst and requirements in the form of permission slips and notifications and agendas that slowly but surely get piled up inside of me through the week. The pile of expectations, hopes I can't quite articulate and just plain pieces of work is stacked up, lopsided, one on top of the other inside me, the big receptacle.

As the week starts chugging up Monday, and staggers around icy hair pin turns Tuesday and Wednesday, the pile eventually falls right over on Thursday in the middle of the afternoon. All I can do is stuff all those little post-it notes and unopened envelopes, the things "I keep meaning to tell you" all back inside and do my best to keep them stacked until Friday. Then at the end of the day on Friday , a big hole is punctured in the bottom of the bin and they all leak out.

I wake up Saturday empty.

A whole day, a whole weekend, a whole week of chances to stay empty stretch before me.

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Writing it out.

Since 2020, I have written the following: -grandiose grocery lists (written on an empty stomach) that often end up getlting left behind at home -funding proposals -delicately worded emails -harried Whatsapp messages -a slew of facebook messages (that basically kept me alive) -a tinder profile or two... -utilitarian text messages -heart felt text messages -the very occasional love note (on paper) to a friend or a loved one The things I have not written since 2020: -a journal -a multi-page handwritten letter -a play -a sketch -a novel -more than 2-3 blog posts that I didn't even publish -a pros and cons list

Playing School

Proper Cry

Photo Source: thesetingstaketime.com via Stephanie on Pinterest I love to laugh. I love laughing so hard I lose control. I love that release. For this reason and lots of others, I could not wait to see the blockbuster, Bridesmaids last summer. Everyone told me, "you are going to pee yourself. It is so FUNNY." And yes, I almost did pee myself, but I also cried through almost the entire last half of the movie. I did not laugh so hard I cried, I just plain sobbed. I felt really sad watching the story of two friends come to terms with how their friendship was changing. I was really surprised by my reaction after all the hype about how hilarious the movie was, but I knew why. The brilliance of this movie was how life can be so hilarious and painful at the same time. Yesterday, I was on a social networking site and one of the people I follow mentioned that she cried "proper tears" upon reading a story about a woman's tragic childhoo

Growing Versions

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