Circular thinking

I get so boring when I am worried about something, probably because during those times I feel like I'm on a very long tedious train trip, spiked occasionally by flashes of fear. I feel like I am travelling around and around in circles, trying to circle my way out of what might, if someone else were looking at it, be a straight forward problem. I would not know because I'm staring straight ahead, without looking out the windows much. During these times of stress, I long to board at the station and pull up to the next one and just get out and go about my business. But no, when I get going, I am like a fish in a bowl. Every time I see the castle, a glimmer of a solution makes me catch my breath and then turn my head away to look for a new one. This cannot be the one, there must be something more magnificent, more perfect, more accessible.

I love to travel but times like these I wish I could challenge myself to see where the train is taking me and consciously choose to go there, or to step out into the dark and let myself be surprised, but sometimes it is easier to stay on the train for a while longer. There is good stress and bad stress. How do you convert bad stress into good? How do you switch cars mid-trip? How do you make the trip into one with a destination and an Expected Time of Arrival?

This train could take me somewhere really cool, if I let it.

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Writing it out.

Since 2020, I have written the following: -grandiose grocery lists (written on an empty stomach) that often end up getlting left behind at home -funding proposals -delicately worded emails -harried Whatsapp messages -a slew of facebook messages (that basically kept me alive) -a tinder profile or two... -utilitarian text messages -heart felt text messages -the very occasional love note (on paper) to a friend or a loved one The things I have not written since 2020: -a journal -a multi-page handwritten letter -a play -a sketch -a novel -more than 2-3 blog posts that I didn't even publish -a pros and cons list

Playing School

Shake your Bummy

In recent weeks, two things have come to my attention, this article by Mary Beth Williams, T he real key to good health and the viral hit created by Dr. Mike Evans, 23 and 1/2 hours: What is the single best thing we can do for our health? Both coincided with when I was turning my attention to new years resolutions and reflecting on the year that was. Thanks to both, a reckoning came to be. Mary Beth Williams' candid advice was to get your heart stronger because you never know when you are going to need it. She herself has been receiving treatment for lung cancer. Dr Mike Evans' way of putting the exact same thing? "Try to limit your sitting time to 23 1/2 hours a day". In my day job, I sit a lot. I occasionally rise to retrieve something from the photocopier or to make a coffee, but an awful lot of the time, I'm on my bum. This is in steep contrast to my night job. At the end of the work day, occasionally in the middle, I have to burst out of the doo

Growing Versions

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