Crowd Control Language

Writing down words, typing them, has really helped me say things out loud.
Writing has broadened my vocabulary and like doing scales helps improve ones music, writing has strengthened my communication abilities.

Those solid words, sometimes spurting out in rivulets, other times squeezed out in pebbles, give the words spoken into the air more shape. The audible ones are uttered with more confidence and chosen with more care.

Words always used to trip me up, hold me back, create nets in which I would get tangled, and block communication. Words would shroud me in heavy cloth that muted my real intent.

By allowing myself permission to write through mistakes and sift through what's left, I'm also allowing myself to talk in the ways I want to, not out of fear or for purposes of crowd control or to manage my audience, but to speak, to communicate, to represent myself.

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Writing it out.

Since 2020, I have written the following: -grandiose grocery lists (written on an empty stomach) that often end up getlting left behind at home -funding proposals -delicately worded emails -harried Whatsapp messages -a slew of facebook messages (that basically kept me alive) -a tinder profile or two... -utilitarian text messages -heart felt text messages -the very occasional love note (on paper) to a friend or a loved one The things I have not written since 2020: -a journal -a multi-page handwritten letter -a play -a sketch -a novel -more than 2-3 blog posts that I didn't even publish -a pros and cons list

Playing School

Proper Cry

Photo Source: thesetingstaketime.com via Stephanie on Pinterest I love to laugh. I love laughing so hard I lose control. I love that release. For this reason and lots of others, I could not wait to see the blockbuster, Bridesmaids last summer. Everyone told me, "you are going to pee yourself. It is so FUNNY." And yes, I almost did pee myself, but I also cried through almost the entire last half of the movie. I did not laugh so hard I cried, I just plain sobbed. I felt really sad watching the story of two friends come to terms with how their friendship was changing. I was really surprised by my reaction after all the hype about how hilarious the movie was, but I knew why. The brilliance of this movie was how life can be so hilarious and painful at the same time. Yesterday, I was on a social networking site and one of the people I follow mentioned that she cried "proper tears" upon reading a story about a woman's tragic childhoo

Growing Versions

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