I've been accused of being worst things, but somehow, being labelled a bleeding heart really irks me (almost) the most. There is another word that is worse, and I'll get up the courage to tell you why another day. "You are a bleeding heart" means you care disproportionally, you have no (or faulty) critical thinking skills, you are gullible. I care fiercely about what I care about...but scared of the label I tend to care in a cold hearted way (if there is such a thing), reassuring others all the way that I'm no fool---that I care with safely constructed boundaries. I care all too aware that a staunched bleeding heart is seen as more noble. A healed up, scabbed over heart is seen as somehow more caring, but is that true? What do you think?
Despite being an introvert, I do often process big life events (and many many small ones) out loud by verbally hashing out my thoughts with whoever will put up with me. But this morning when I woke up to the big red blotch on the U.S. map...all my /the words fell out. They fell out unsaid, unformed. Got to work and probably , in another time, would have annoyed my co-workers, dominating the conversation with my verbal extrusions, but not today. I just mutely stared across at them and nodded. My dad came for lunch. Normally, we relish a good political diatribe, especially when we feel sure of our perspective, but this time, all I could do was munch on fries and marvel at all the unarticulated thoughts that I was not even bothering to retrieve. The silence inside me was noticeable. Social media was awash with reactions and I just looked away. I couldn't bear to read one word about it. I was not receptive to any reactions, accusations, reflections, words...
I love the notion of a healed up, scabbed over heart, maybe tougher than the average bear but also stronger and more capable of the longer stronger deeper loves? aye?
ReplyDeletebleeding heart seems to connotate (to me) someone who is swept away by the emotions, but not able to 'do' anything with them, like the weeping for orphans in africa while walking By the orphans next door type.... not sure thats true, but it is a connotation i have... hmmm. . .